i was born a porn star she said
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
