everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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