I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
