at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
