uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
