There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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