She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
