the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
