Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How does it feel to date your dad?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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