At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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