My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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