If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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