ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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