So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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