Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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