The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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