I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize