somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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