Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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