I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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