The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
