don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
