I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
smell my finger.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
