piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
