she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
