Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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