Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
