That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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