hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
