I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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