Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
