I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
