I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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