My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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