you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
