She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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