i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
