im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
