We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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