i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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