pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
