I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
