we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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