you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Enjoy the penises
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
