what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
