Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize