I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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