MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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