Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
