All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
