That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
