Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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