Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize