I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
