I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
