Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize