Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There are leaves in my underwear?
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