can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
