Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
