Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize