At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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