I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
