So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want her autograph on my taint
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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