And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
